Kalu Rinpoche (left) with Lama Lodu Rinpoche
On the Land
(This is 28th in a series of reminisces by Lama Lodu Rinpoche)
In 1989, not long after the parinirvana of my beloved teacher Kyabje Kalu Rinpoche, we bought 160 acres of wild raw land in Mendocino County. It was my teacher’s wish that this land would flourish as a traditional three-year retreat and practice center for many years to come.
Right around this time Phyllis Norris resigned as the president of KDK and I requested that Deborah Janke take over the position, which she agreed to do. She was deeply devoted to Kalu Rinpoche and had taken refuge with him in 1979. I knew that she shared my hope of being able to fulfill Kalu Rinpoche’s request that we someday build a great stupa on the land. But first we had to tame it—at least a little.
We put in a well and water system, electric system, and got permits for structures. We needed a lama’s residence, and two other houses—one for the men’s compound and one for the women’s. These would be used for cooking, eating, and group practice. We had originally hoped to build houses but we found that the permit requirements were strict and would have made it very expensive to build, so Deborah had the idea of putting in manufactured homes, which were both affordable and easy to get permits for. The three-year retreatants—five men and five women—were in charge of building their own small cabins for sleeping and solitary practice.
We also applied for a permit to build a large stupa on the land, but the county made it almost impossible for us to do this, laying out many expensive prerequisites, such as paving the road all the way from the highway up to the land. To do all this was way beyond our means, and there were also objections from the people who owned the neighboring properties. These were country farmers whose business in those days required a lot of privacy and they were alarmed at the idea of a sudden influx of visitors and county inspectors—so we put the stupa project on hold.
As the compound gates closed on the ten people who would be spending the next three years cloistered here, I was of two minds about this retreat. My down-to-earth ordinary mind was troubled by doubts: I was not a hundred percent sure that these people were here out of a dedication to enlightened mind and thought maybe they were more interested in gaining the title of ‘lama’, which in those days had a rare and exotic sound.
But on the other hand I knew that one never sees what is hidden in other beings—perhaps they really were filled with sincerity, might flourish someday as teachers, and realize their great potential for serving other beings. In any case, I knew that the high tantric teachings that they would receive here had an unimaginable power to plant beneficial seeds in countless lifetimes to come, so I resolved to do my best and spent the next three years travelling back and forth between the Fell Street center and the Mendocino land every week or two.
In the first year, which was the hardest, I often wondered if I should stop the retreat. Serious practice often brings out emotion in people and emotion causes many different kinds of obstacles. Sometimes it was hard for the retreatants to get along and there were various kinds of negativity to deal with. I told myself, though, that this was the job I had been given and I could not quit.
As we got into the second year, I began to feel better and had the sense that the retreatants were becoming more willing to receive what I had to offer. I started to think: maybe this is going to work out after all. Of course it ended up that they did get the full blessings from the lineage and from my root guru, whose perfect enlightenment was a strong and steadfast presence with us from the first day to the last, whether the sky was cloudy or clear.
As much as the retreatants were educated by me, I was also educated by them. For example, I learned many things about the American mind and also that men and women reacted differently to the trials and difficulties they were encountering. I found that the women in general had more devotion, compassion and gentleness in their daily activities. They were more open to the teachings and the teacher and when problems arose, it was easier for them to get through. I continually saw these qualities in them and they did not surprise me because I had seen them in my own mother, who was remarkably kind, adaptable and loving. Maybe because of her, I have always tended to see these positive qualities in women.
But with the women I found that when problems and emotions did arise, they wanted to quit and didn’t seem to have the instinct to persevere. If I worked with them and explained in detail how to get through the negativity, they accepted my help and were reassured by just a few words, but I worried that if I was not there to counsel them, they might give up.
The men, on the other hand, showed less faith and kindness from day to day and their sense of trust for the teachings and the teacher did not seem to be strong. They were polite and agreeable towards me but I sensed negative emotions under the surface. It was harder for them to listen and I had to have much more skill and humility in working with them. On the positive side, the men were stronger in their commitment: once they said they would do something, they would not give up until it was done.
You cannot imagine the rigors of this kind of retreat—so much discipline is needed and it is equally hard for both men and women. But by the middle of the second year, they were starting to develop a lot of stability and getting used to the hardship. They were absorbing the teachings and blessings more readily and seeming to trust me more. They were accepting what I was offering them and could see that what they were doing was absolutely unique in the world and the most rare and precious opportunity imaginable. They were looking around and saying: this isn’t a prison—it’s a pure-land!
So now, instead of wishing they could get out of there, the retreatants were starting to wonder if it was going to be all that great to go back to the normal world. And I began feel very lucky to be leading them in this amazing, demanding retreat. I remember thinking: we’re doing it—we’re here on this land accomplishing what Kalu Rinpoche requested. And that thought gave me real joy.
